Sinking 'Ships
by lielabell
Summary: This is a humorous look at what the reactions of Hogwarts students might be if they had access to the stories written about them. It is a one shot and focuses on a number of different ‘ships. I am by choice an avid DG, and so it leans in that directio


The door to the small room burst open and a huffing frizzy-haired girl stormed in. She shot a glance around the crowed space, shaking a handful of pages wildly in the air. The boys nearest her stopped their conversation and sat waiting for the explosion they knew would came, but the rest of the room went on without much notice.  
  
"Well," she said in a voice trembling with furry, "they really have done it this time." She paused for effect and smiled briefly as all activity came to an abrupt standstill. "Those meddling muggles have gone too far. Merlin, if I had my say they would be hexed nine ways till Sunday!" Agreement flew about her as she barged over to a chair and sank dramatically into it. She let the questioning eyes rest on her a few moments more before she let the name drip like acid from her lips. "Snape."  
  
"Oh Hermione!" gasped Ginny as she quickly made her way to her friend's side.  
  
"I know; it's awful. And to think I said that nothing could be worst than him." She glared at the sexy blonde boy lording over the back corner. Draco raised his head from his hands and gave a confident smirk in return. She snorted and turned away before noticing the heated glance that passed between the object of her displeasure and the girl stroking her hair. "They think they are so clever, playing with our romances as if it were all fun and games. Don't they realize that we have to endure their obsessions?"  
  
"I don't know" came a hesitant voice from the back of the room. Heads swiveled and eighteen pairs of eyes fixed on the plump figure lurking in the shadows. Millicent balanced, her pale white skin seeming completely free of color, but she kept her composure as she continued. "I find their writing to be humorous and quite witty. I will grant you that there are some 'ships that should never have been conceived of" her eyes darted between Blaise and Pansy "but on the whole they are not so bad."  
  
Cho rolled her eyes and let out a melodramatic sigh. "Of course you think that." She said bitterly. "Look at who you get fixed up with." The faces of the girls in the room went dreamy as they contemplated the black haired boy. He appeared hunted for a second before pasting a knowing sneer on his beautiful mouth. Sitting, as he was, next to Draco only served to make the pair of them resemble fallen angels. She tore her gaze away from him and settled her sullen expression back where it belonged. "I always end up with Harry or find myself dead in a gutter for being 'so vile' to him. Ballocks!" She did not even try to keep the resentment from showing.  
  
"It could be worst." said Pansy. She peeked at Neville, and then gave a mock shudder of disgust. He gave a startled shake of the head and blushed bright red as mocking whispers of 'pug nose' danced about him. She sent him a special smile and his dazed expression turned comical.  
  
"Much worst" muttered Draco. "There are times when I do not even know the gender of the Blaise I am paired with." He threw an arm around the boy next to him and said in a voice oozing with seduction "Ever thought of what it might be like for the other half?"  
  
Blaise glared at him. "Sod off, or I will bring up Potter." Draco removed his arm and picked a nonexistent piece of lint off his robes.  
  
"Potter and I know where we stand."  
  
"I like being paired up with Harry" said a wistful Luna. "It's almost as wonderful as when Ron and I are married." She gave a little titter and wiggled her fingers in his direction. The boy bit his lip in an attempt to keep from laughing.  
  
"Nutter." he whispered to his best friend. In a much louder voice he added "At least you are still a girl Hermione. Gender changing 'ships should be limited to the likes of Zabini." He waited for the laughter on his side of the room to die down before saying "And who ever came up with the slash between Harry and I ought to be gutted."  
  
"Nothing could be nastier than my pairing with Snape" said a disgruntled Hermione.  
  
"Beg to differ" Harry spoke up. "I have been matched up with him as well." She grimaced and nodded her agreement.  
  
Ginny could not take there martyred expressions any longer. She stood up and pinned each pair of eyes in turn before making her opening arguments. "I know you lot think that each of you is treated poorly, you would not be here if you weren't, but I am certain that my fate is much more depraved then yours could ever be." She placed a hand on Harry's arm as she said "Snape and all the other slash are vile, but it is nothing compared to some of my lovers. I get matched up with my own brothers, and incest always ranks higher." She gave a sardonic smile. "As for the number of men, well I have been with everyone from Fudge to Voldemort and back again. I have been in triangles with both male Malfoys at once, as well as a sick one which involved Harry and Hermione, neither of whom was interested in the other." She shivered delicately.  
  
A cold laughing came from the Slytherin section of the room. "Come off it love." His voice was insidiously melodious. "Everyone knows the thrill you get out of being bad Weasel, so don't go trying to play sweet and innocent in this group."  
  
"Oh, the love of my life speaks! I must bow to his every whim." She made a self deprecating gesture, scurried to his side and knelt at his feet. "Would you like a cool drink? Can I get you anything to eat? May I wipe your arse?" She cooed up at him while her eyelashes did double time. He could not help it, he laughed.  
  
"Too bad we are enemies Weasel; you would make a charming addition to my entourage." He smirked down at her. "From where I'm sitting, having you in my harem would be quite a thrill as well."  
  
She all but swallowed her tongue, and managed to choke out a mocking "Sod off, or I will bring up Potter" before dissolving into mirth.  
  
He snarled "Shut it you. All you're miffed about is being a piece of skirt, while I am being forced to bed not only filthy bloodtraitors and mudbloods, but also a gangly unattractive scarface with a superhero complex." He sliver eyes flashed as she laughed all the harder. "Oh, and I guess you just love it when you and Perfect Potter end up shagging your brains out in a back room?"  
  
"It sure beats having to bag off with you, the Great Ferret himself."  
  
"Did you hear that;" he said to his sidekicks "she said 'bag off,' thinks I'm attractive, doesn't she" His ever present henchmen made the animalistic sounds that passed for their laughter as they grunted between themselves.  
  
"It's not so bad guys, you could be in my situation." said the exquisite blonde girl sitting slightly behind them. "All they know is my name and somehow I am the slag of Slytherin. What, does Daphne Greengrass just scream trollop?" She smiled slightly as the others in the room made sympathetic noises.  
  
Draco narrowed his eyes and rested his hand on Ginny's head. She blinked up at him, but he just raised an eyebrow. He smirked down at her and let an arrogant tone enter his voice as he said "This is all Ganger's fault, you know." Ignoring the indignant huffing coming from the girl in question, he went on "Before she introduced us to the wonders of the muggle internet, none of us knew that they were writing explicit stories about us in the first place."  
  
Hermione scowled and muttered death threats under her breath as his mocking words reached her. Ron immediately jumped to her defense, spitting and hissing at his least favorite person with more passion then typical. He finished with a rousing "and get your Malfoy tainted hands off my ruddy sister before I hit you with a hex you'll never recover from!"  
  
Ginny smirked at her brother's blotchy face before rising to her feet and sauntering back to Harry's half of the room. Even though the members of their club were united in their struggle to deal with the trauma of badly written ships, old factions were not forgotten and the world out side of their tower room still played a part in all the happenings there in.  
  
"I thought this meeting was to discus the positive aspects of the stories." said Lavender. She was lounging across an ugly plaid print sofa that must have once resided in the Hufflepuff common room, from the look of the faded yellow and black stripes. Snuggled up next to her was Warrington, whose wide grin left nothing about their relationship in question.  
  
Seamus frowned at them. "There is nothing good about a site that makes you leave a perfectly good boyfriend for a git of a Slytherin, Lav."  
  
"It opened my mind to new possibilities." was her lofty reply. "And a little inter-house dating would do wonders for all the problems we seem to be facing. Wasn't that pretty much what Dumbledore said last year?"  
  
"I doubt he had snogging on his mind when he made that speech." Hermione countered.  
  
"I'll take your word for it, since I was not listening." Ron said cheekily. Harry laughed, but tried to turn it into a cough when he saw the look on Hermione's face.  
  
A soft moan came from the far side of the room. The three friends glanced over in concern, but soon went back to their bickering when they heard the words 'Mary Sue.' The atmosphere of the place soon went back to the seething calm it had been before Hermione's arrival and the teens inside it returned to their petty grievances. After about an hour more, small pieces of the group slowly started to break away.  
  
The meeting was officially called to an end and the remaining stragglers followed their friends out the door. Hermione, Ron and Harry stayed after to tidy up, since this time it had been the Slytherins who set things up. As she made her way past the chair Malfoy had dominated Hermione noticed a crumpled piece of parchment. She knew she should just trash it, but something compelled her to flatten it out on a nearby table.  
  
"Meet me tomorrow; same time same place. I love you"  
  
She stared at the single line for a moment before sighing. It was Ginny's writing, no question about it, but who was it written for and way had it been left here? 


End file.
